It sounds nice, having something like that to believe in. [Almost wistful. He envies that faith, a bit. He certainly can't share it, because he's been dead. He knows what's beyond this life. But he's not going to say shit to Hansa and try to ruin his faith, because that's a level of mean he's not willing to travel to.]
Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and on Monday we'll wake up having forgotten this week ever happened.
[He corrects, but its not meant as a jab, just as a gentle reaffirming of his own beliefs. Sure, maybe he's not as connected or devout as some of the others in the Church, but his body isn't the way it is without reason. His faith is in the way he's allowed himself to be changed, to elevate him to a level where he can perform the Lord's work with the power and ability it deserves.]
Haha. Though would that be a good thing? We need to take the bad memories with the good. It helps us learn from our mistakes.
[Sometimes you want to be dead a little but also you don't want to die and also now you can't bc you have too many responsibilities.]
Back when it first happened, Commandant Alexei actually gave me the means to turn it off, when I asked him to stop it. He wouldn't do it himself. [He made Raven take his life into his own hands, literally.]
Still... even though I agonized over it fer the longest time, I couldn't actually do it. Even then.
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It sounds nice, having something like that to believe in.
[Almost wistful. He envies that faith, a bit. He certainly can't share it, because he's been dead. He knows what's beyond this life. But he's not going to say shit to Hansa and try to ruin his faith, because that's a level of mean he's not willing to travel to.]
Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and on Monday we'll wake up having forgotten this week ever happened.
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[He corrects, but its not meant as a jab, just as a gentle reaffirming of his own beliefs. Sure, maybe he's not as connected or devout as some of the others in the Church, but his body isn't the way it is without reason. His faith is in the way he's allowed himself to be changed, to elevate him to a level where he can perform the Lord's work with the power and ability it deserves.]
Haha. Though would that be a good thing? We need to take the bad memories with the good. It helps us learn from our mistakes.
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I feel like I've had more than enough bad memories. Can't I lose a couple?
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[He would make a smart remark to that, but he turns to Raven instead, his expression serious.]
Raven...at the end. What you said. Do you mean that?
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[Mostly he's just stalling.]
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You don't want to keep living, the way you are.
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Well it sounds bad when ya put it like that.
[RAVEN IT IS BAD]
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It is bad, Raven.
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[Sometimes you want to be dead a little but also you don't want to die and also now you can't bc you have too many responsibilities.]
Back when it first happened, Commandant Alexei actually gave me the means to turn it off, when I asked him to stop it. He wouldn't do it himself. [He made Raven take his life into his own hands, literally.]
Still... even though I agonized over it fer the longest time, I couldn't actually do it. Even then.