laugh at that. they know that. they know that they know that they know that they know that.
but what choice does he have? the longer they wait the longer he goes without saving Vaugarde and the longer they go without saving Vaugarde the longer they stay in the loops and the longer they stay in the loops the longer they’re away from their family and
and
and
and
and
and
and
and.
they take a sharp breath in, but no air fills their lungs. ]
I can’t just—!! I can’t just take a break now! I’m so close!! Am I just supposed to stop now!? Haha, that’s ridiculous!!! I can’t— I can’t…
[ they continue trying to breathe, rapid and erratic. ]
[Hansa freezes for a moment - before reaching out, grabbing him by the shoulders as a way to anchor him. He may not have experience with these things, exactly, but it's clear that if he lets this go, they really will have a whole mental breakdown and a half.]
Hey! Hey. Deep breathes there. In, out. In....out. Come on-!
[Hansa holds tight, staring down at Siffrin without even wincing. His grip isn't too tight, as not to hurt. He's dealt with worse in his time. He's not going to let go because of someone lashing out.]
[But it seems like it goes through. They quiet, and when he's sure that they've fully calmed down, Hansa puts on a bright smile.]
That's alright. [His grip loosens - one hand pats their shoulder.] Anyone would be overwhelmed in circumstances like these. You feeling better?
[ Siffrin flinches at the shoulder pat, but they don’t pull away. his family members always avoided touching him because they thought that Siffrin hated being touched. because they’re too disgusting to be touched. so many loops trying to get their attention to little avail—
(and the one time you got fed up, well how did that one turn out for you, again? teehee!) ]
Yeah, I’m fine.
[ it’s said mechanically; a knee jerk response. they’re not sure if they’re smiling or not, but they pray to the Universe that they are.
(You adjust your hat, wishing you could hide yourself in it and never come out.) ]
I wouldn't say forcing. It's like...well, if someone told you they could call on you any time to step up and do something you have the capability to do.
All in all, I serve the Church, and I serve God. I help to carry out His will, and moreoever, I get to make sure evildoers don't get what they deserve.
[ the mention of that brings forward the thought of the Change God, and Siffrin's expression darkens at the simple thought of that thing.
what's the point of following something that only sees you as their plaything? even if it allegedly cared for Mira, the Change God did barely anything. it could have probably solved this entire issue, and yet it does nothing but watch from above. ]
He must be really good if it makes you want to put your life in danger for him.
[He says it as sure as he would say the sky is blue, or water is wet. God is good. No matter his own carefree nature, that is an immutable fact for him.]
Sometimes there are things you would lay your life down for. Things that are bigger than you. It could be God, or a person, or a concept. It's not wrong to have something like that.
the thought comes to their mind without hesitation, and that alone makes them sick. before, Siffrin thought that they could power through the loops by keeping the end goal in mind. that, eventually, they would break out and make it back to their family members. the real ones, not those lousy actors with their faces.
Then you find something else to hold onto. No one ever said you couldn't change what gives you meaning, you know. Besides. It could be as simple as a star in the sky or a silly picture you saw once.
[Sometimes, its as simple as an old man telling him about goblins, in the faraway mountains.]
No language. No country. Not even a name. Not even the blinding stars will guide you anywhere anymore. The vague memory of the drawing of you and your family members brings you nothing but pain.
You're nothing. No one at all. The only thing you are is the plaything of the Universe.)
Siffrin smiles. ]
I'll figure something out. Sorry for worrying you. I'll try to sleep more.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Siffrin laughs derisively. ]
Yeah. I had a lot to do over there, but I guess the Universe had other plans for me.
[ and what is Siffrin to do but follow? ]
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[A snap of the fingers.]
Maybe you can treat this as a nice vacation. Even with the spooky happenstances.
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[ (but you don’t have a choice.) ]
We have to be here for a reason.
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Of course. [He does his best to sound reassuring.] But working yourself to the bone just makes sure you kill yourself before this place does.
cw panic attack because youre right hansa he is a stressed gerbil
laugh at that. they know that. they know that they know that they know that they know that.
but what choice does he have? the longer they wait the longer he goes without saving Vaugarde and the longer they go without saving Vaugarde the longer they stay in the loops and the longer they stay in the loops the longer they’re away from their family and
and
and
and
and
and
and
and.
they take a sharp breath in, but no air fills their lungs. ]
I can’t just—!! I can’t just take a break now! I’m so close!! Am I just supposed to stop now!? Haha, that’s ridiculous!!! I can’t— I can’t…
[ they continue trying to breathe, rapid and erratic. ]
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[Hansa freezes for a moment - before reaching out, grabbing him by the shoulders as a way to anchor him. He may not have experience with these things, exactly, but it's clear that if he lets this go, they really will have a whole mental breakdown and a half.]
Hey! Hey. Deep breathes there. In, out. In....out. Come on-!
1/2
[ immobilized as he is, Siffrin can’t really do much but stay frozen in Hansa’s grip, but they still try to wrench themselves out of it anyway. ]
2/2
deep breath in.
deep breath out.
inhale.
exhale.
though still tense, they still on the couch, his head hanging in shame and exhaustion. ]
Sorry.
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[But it seems like it goes through. They quiet, and when he's sure that they've fully calmed down, Hansa puts on a bright smile.]
That's alright. [His grip loosens - one hand pats their shoulder.] Anyone would be overwhelmed in circumstances like these. You feeling better?
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(and the one time you got fed up, well how did that one turn out for you, again? teehee!) ]
Yeah, I’m fine.
[ it’s said mechanically; a knee jerk response. they’re not sure if they’re smiling or not, but they pray to the Universe that they are.
(You adjust your hat, wishing you could hide yourself in it and never come out.) ]
You don’t seem that bothered by all of this.
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[Satisfied, he pulls his hands away, propping them on his hips.]
Ah, me? [He makes a little "forget about it" flippant hand wave.] I do stuff like this every other weekend.
[A beat.]
....Seriously though. I am bothered. I'm just foolish enough not to let it get to me.
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they knit their brows in confusion and slight concern. they also realize that this is a good way to avoid thinking about their own anxieties. ]
What…uh…were you doing?
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[A little eye roll with that.]
But I wasn't transported somewhere. I just traveled to a city by plane. So this is new.
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So you’re like a babysitter for adults.
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Exactly. You got it in one. It's not the best job, really. But I have to do it!
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[ considering this guy's personality, it sounds unlikely. ]
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[Voluntold, basically.]
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It's worth it for me.
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[ the mention of that brings forward the thought of the Change God, and Siffrin's expression darkens at the simple thought of that thing.
what's the point of following something that only sees you as their plaything? even if it allegedly cared for Mira, the Change God did barely anything. it could have probably solved this entire issue, and yet it does nothing but watch from above. ]
He must be really good if it makes you want to put your life in danger for him.
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[He says it as sure as he would say the sky is blue, or water is wet. God is good. No matter his own carefree nature, that is an immutable fact for him.]
Sometimes there are things you would lay your life down for. Things that are bigger than you. It could be God, or a person, or a concept. It's not wrong to have something like that.
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the thought comes to their mind without hesitation, and that alone makes them sick. before, Siffrin thought that they could power through the loops by keeping the end goal in mind. that, eventually, they would break out and make it back to their family members. the real ones, not those lousy actors with their faces.
but that....
(JUST ISN'T WORKING FOR YOU ANYMORE!) ]
What if it's not enough?
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[Sometimes, its as simple as an old man telling him about goblins, in the faraway mountains.]
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(But you
DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE.
No language. No country. Not even a name. Not even the blinding stars will guide you anywhere anymore. The vague memory of the drawing of you and your family members brings you nothing but pain.
You're nothing. No one at all. The only thing you are is the plaything of the Universe.)
Siffrin smiles. ]
I'll figure something out. Sorry for worrying you. I'll try to sleep more.
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[A little tilt of the head.]
I'm always here to hear out your confessions. I might not give the best advice, if Father Delmio has to say anything about it, but. I'll be here.
[And he winks.]
[It looks like a blink.]
I can be an anchor, too.
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