Just before I was brought here, I was killed, yes.
[a slight shake of his head.]
I said nothing of it, wishing to gain more knowledge of the situation first, and then quickly forgot I had died at all. But if you would say the things you have admitted to me--
[a slight quirk of his mouth, humorless.]
Before I remembered, I would still tell you what I have done, but also that your life is but a moment in time compared to my own. That I did not know how much of myself I had left to spare for anyone but my people.
...Now, I would have you know there is nothing waiting for me, when our time here reaches its conclusion.
...I see. That's why you wanted to know what I would do, once we left here.
[Because Hansa would have a life outside of this place. Emet-Selch wouldn't. He would just be...over.]
[He feels stunned, honestly. Their efforts to keep him from death here, and...for what? Just prolonging the inevitable? His dubious feelings about the other's plan are put aside, momentarily, and he is filled with a suddenly deep sadness, his heat plummeting to the bottom of his chest.]
So I'll have to remember you and him both? [He lets out a breathless laugh.] How terrible. How unfair. There...really is no way to escape that fate?
[it's terrible timing, honestly. to be spared from death just after realizing he's been dead all along-- not that he would have refused the chance, honestly. he still has work to do here that he wishes to see through.
but there will be an end to this, and when it comes-]
...I do not know. My soul's aether rightly belongs to the flow of it throughout our world, and my consciousness to oblivion. If there is any reprieve to be given somehow, via this Realm or otherwise, I am not yet aware of it.
...time and the burden of duty and memory have weighed upon me, before. There have been moments in which I contemplated simply letting go of my conscious self, and there are ways in which my end may be a mercy.
I would not pull myself away from it for good, in any case-- someday my soul must return. But 'tis possible I could exist a while longer.
Right. Over thirteen-thousand years of nothing but memories...
[An immortal. Ten years together, and he knows that's a blink of time to Emet-Selch. His own life is the equivalent of a leisurely wait at the grocery store line for a man like that.]
[Hansa is quiet for a moment, before speaking up:]
I'm glad. That you want to keep existing for now. Maybe that's a bit selfish of me, but...I think a lot of people here are happy you're still around, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Sure is bad he isn't a priest, to talk about that.]
Dream...? So they have memories of...before the world ended?
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[it really is a shame i'm dying over it... hansa your RELIGION.]
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[he's quieter for a longer stretch, here, before he just breathes out slowly.]
I have never known what the first memory I lost was, but I now realize it is because it was the last thing I remembered.
...My efforts ended along with my life.
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[His eye widens in alarm, his attention completely on Emet-Selch.]
You're...you're dead?
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[a slight shake of his head.]
I said nothing of it, wishing to gain more knowledge of the situation first, and then quickly forgot I had died at all. But if you would say the things you have admitted to me--
[a slight quirk of his mouth, humorless.]
Before I remembered, I would still tell you what I have done, but also that your life is but a moment in time compared to my own. That I did not know how much of myself I had left to spare for anyone but my people.
...Now, I would have you know there is nothing waiting for me, when our time here reaches its conclusion.
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[Because Hansa would have a life outside of this place. Emet-Selch wouldn't. He would just be...over.]
[He feels stunned, honestly. Their efforts to keep him from death here, and...for what? Just prolonging the inevitable? His dubious feelings about the other's plan are put aside, momentarily, and he is filled with a suddenly deep sadness, his heat plummeting to the bottom of his chest.]
So I'll have to remember you and him both? [He lets out a breathless laugh.] How terrible. How unfair. There...really is no way to escape that fate?
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but there will be an end to this, and when it comes-]
...I do not know. My soul's aether rightly belongs to the flow of it throughout our world, and my consciousness to oblivion. If there is any reprieve to be given somehow, via this Realm or otherwise, I am not yet aware of it.
For now, I seem to exist.
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[And a smirk, and an amused tone, but its obvious he's just saying it to avoid the things he really wants to say.]
Maybe if you asked the Realm nicely to keep you around...?
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[he couldn't very well return. if he does continue to exist, going back may force him into death once more.]
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[He falls silent at that, not having a good answer.]
[A thought occurs to him. He stares at Emet for a long moment. This is all...a lot to take in. A lot to think about, but...]
Do you want to keep living, Emet-Selch?
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[a slight shake of his head, eyes closing.]
...time and the burden of duty and memory have weighed upon me, before. There have been moments in which I contemplated simply letting go of my conscious self, and there are ways in which my end may be a mercy.
I would not pull myself away from it for good, in any case-- someday my soul must return. But 'tis possible I could exist a while longer.
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[An immortal. Ten years together, and he knows that's a blink of time to Emet-Selch. His own life is the equivalent of a leisurely wait at the grocery store line for a man like that.]
[Hansa is quiet for a moment, before speaking up:]
I'm glad. That you want to keep existing for now. Maybe that's a bit selfish of me, but...I think a lot of people here are happy you're still around, too.
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[he's. still a little surprised by how many people seemed so relieved, honestly?]
Does your answer change, then, with what you now know?
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[What a question.]
[He stares at the wall for a long moment.]
You know...I don't know.
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[emet-selch gives him a slight nod, at that.
this may take care of the situation easily enough, but if it does not-- that will be something to handle later.]