PCS WITH SIFFRIN

[robopriest]

Comments

[siriuspuns]

!!

[ Siffrin flinches at the brush of Hansa’s hand against his arm. But this time, he remains still, arm limp like a doll’s.

(See? The two of you are like peas in a pod. Yuki was just more forward about showing their monstrous side.)

When Hansa holds his hand, Siffrin has to hold back tears as they keep their hand in place. Hansa shouldn’t touch them, no one should touch them because he’s disgusting and desperate and pathetic and—

Slowly, as if afraid that they’ll shatter into a thousand pieces if they move too fast, Siffrin’s fingers curl around Hansa’s hand to reciprocate the touch. ]

[robopriest]

There you go.

[There was no one for him for a while after he was left alone in the mountains. No one to comfort him, or hold him close. The village was gone.]

[Its important to have something like this, he thinks, at someone's lowest moments.]

[He squeezes the hand back.]

[siriuspuns]

[ How long has it been since someone had held their hand? Comforted them after a difficult time?

They don’t remember. The memory of that slips through his fingers like Lynne’s ashes, forgotten like everything else. Their home, their family, their language… all of it, all of it forgotten.

Hansa squeezes his hand back, and he’ll notice that Siffrin is trembling. ]

You probably think I’m pathetic, don’t you? You don’t have to do this.

[robopriest]

I think you're very strong.

[He is sincere in that, keeping his hand steady even with the hand trembling in its grip.]

Not anyone would have made a move you did. Sure, it was foolish, too, and you sure made us all worry, but I don't see you as pathetic for it.

[siriuspuns]

[ (Yeah, sure, physically strong. How many loops are you on now? How much more experience do you have than those pale copies of your family?)

Siffrin grits their teeth, forcing himself to take a deep breath. The trembling stops, but the look on Siffrin's face is one of deep shame. ]

I don't think...I did it to avenge Reiju. So don't praise me.

[robopriest]

So why, then?

[Not accusatory.]

[Just curious.]

Were you scared?

[siriuspuns]

I don't know.

[ (Yes you do.) ]

My mind went blank.

[robopriest]

...

Did it feel right in the moment, to try to attack him?

[siriuspuns]

[ It takes a moment for them to think of an answer. But when they do, it's in a low mumble. ]

Maybe.

[ They realize, that they would have attacked him, if no one had held him back. What would Siffrin have felt the moment that he sank their knife into Yuki, if they had been allowed to?

They're not sure. But regardless of how right it may have felt for them at the moment, it doesn't get rid of the nausea whenever they close their eyes and see the remaining part of Reiju's head or the fact that Amaya was hurt over it. ]

[robopriest]

...

[They must have been angry.]

[Or maybe they didn't feel anything at all. It's not like he has an in on what Siffrin thinks. But at least, he can guess.]

I suppose you saw it as necessary. Because of what he did to Reiju.

[siriuspuns]

[ That's not the right answer.

They know that fact extremely well, better than anything else. They didn't need to do that, because Yuki would have been taken away anyways. It wasn't because of Reiju, because his relationship with Reiju hadn't been anything special. She talked to them once, and that was all.

It was because they thought that if they hesitated





          That would repeat again.

But they can't tell Hansa this. Not yet. Hopefully not ever. ]

I guess.

[robopriest]

Mm. Then I didn't guess correctly.

["I guess" isn't confirmation.]

[A little sigh, but he doesn't want to be pushy.]

Regardless. For whatever reason...it looks like you're eating yourself up over it, anyways.

[siriuspuns]

STARS, HANSA!

[ They try to wrench their hand out of the priest’s hold, his apathy broken like shattered glass. ]

I HURT AMAYA! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY WITH THAT!? HOW MUCH OF A BLINDING FOOL ARE YOU!?

[robopriest]

[It happens all at once-]

[He winces as the other pulls away, and of course - that's what it was. He was so focused on what brought them to go forward in the first place, and-]

Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.

[He is. He holds up his hands, before letting them fall back down, helplessly.]

Everything happened so fast. [It was all so so fast.] I didn't...no. Of course. You didn't mean to. It wasn't like you wanted to. I would...

[...]

I would feel the same way.

[siriuspuns]

[ Once again, they've ruined something. They stare at the hands that fall back to Hansa's sides, unaware of how regretful they look.

But they can't ask for that kindness again. Not when he just broke it. How much more will he ruin today? Until he goes home? ]

But you wouldn't have done that in the first place. You wouldn't have hurt anyone who didn't deserve it.

[ Because even now, they feel that Yuki deserved it. ]

[robopriest]

Ha.

[Now he's exhaling, a little noise, a sliver of a laugh.]

I've done that before. Many times. You know, when I was a boy, they pulled me out of martial arts classes because they were scared I would go too far and kill my opponents without thinking. One time, I also led my classmates into the mountains, thinking I would show them how I used to live. One got seriously hurt. And there were many other instances throughout my life like that.

[He shakes his head.]

So yes. We want to do our best not to hurt those who don't deserve it. But even at our best, it happens. Does this make us bad people? It depends on how you react.

[Hansa stares at Siffrin for a moment.]

And how you react now is...not a sign of someone who's bad at all. This is what I truly believe.

[siriuspuns]

What…?

[ Their eye widens in shock at the revalation. They knew that Hansa was a bit eccentric, but a past like that sounds far beyond the average amount and more… concerning.

But when Hansa assures Siffrin that they’re not a bad person, they… look away. They feel like they could cry after hearing that, either from the warmth of those words or from the shame that overcomes him immediately afterwards.

(Because you know that the things you’ve done go far beyond this new space.) ]

I might… end up disappointing you.

[robopriest]

If I had a coin for every time I disappointed everyone, I wouldn't have enough to be rich, but I'd have enough to get a few dishes of jambalaya from my favorite restaurant. Honestly, most of those coins would be from Father Cervantes, alone.

[Somewhere, Delmio Cervantes is gritting his teeth hearing his adoptive son walked into a casino in his priest clothes.]

[Hansa gently smiles.]

Anyways. Even if you supposedly do, does it mean I don't like you? No. I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't help you back to your feet.

[siriuspuns]

[ Though there’s still some visible hesitation in Siffrin’s expression, it’s softened at the edges with the realization that Hansa means it.

Though with a sob story like their own, who wouldn’t pity them? Hah!

Better to change the subject. ]

Father Cervantes… is that your dad?

[robopriest]

Ah, yes. My adoptive father. He'd be chewing me out for at least ninety percent of the things I did here.

[Absolutely.]

Do you have family back home, Siffrin?

[siriuspuns]

…

[ (You think of them.

You wonder.








Just what has happened to them since you’ve been gone?)]

I do, yup!

[robopriest]

Parents? Siblings?

[Is there other Sifflings out there...]

[siriuspuns]

[ (. . . . . .) ]

There’s are people back at home who are like my family. I met them while traveling.

[robopriest]

Traveling?

[Siffrin the traveler.]

That's nice, to travel in company. Were you all trekking somewhere specific?

[siriuspuns]

[ They agree, it was nice. Still is. ]

I met them on their quest to save the country. I tagged along!